the chocolate has to go.

So, I've been trying to get back in shape for a while now. A long while. For a number of reasons-- surgery, pneumonia, sadness spells, it hasn't happened. I decided tonight that this needs to happen. Now. So, I'm giving up chocolate. For June. I'm sharing it here so that you can all hold me accountable for my chocolate intake. :p

I'm going running tomorrow. It's a great way to end May. I hope you're all having a great night. 

Today, I'm disappointed. What about LOVE?

Today, I'm still feeling hugely disappointed by California's Supreme Court decision regarding gay marriage. Because I've blogged on the topic, before, I'm reposting the same again. I'm at a loss for words. It's just so incredibly unfair, unjust, and quite frankly, undemocratic. You'd think we'd learn from our past mistakes and prejudices. Apparently, not.

~~~~~~~~~

I believe in Love. I believe in the ability of one person to care for another, the desire of one person to share their life with another, the dream of one person to build a future with another. I believe in the power of Love.

Love is limitless. Love is kind. Love is beautiful.

And, I believe that everyone has a right to Love. Whoever it is they choose.

I don't understand why it is that we haven't legalized same-sex marriage. Sometimes, America boggles my mind. It seems that we are incapable of learning from our past. We realize that slavery is wrong but allow segregation. We acknowledge that women should have the right to vote but refuse that same right to African Americans. We forcibly march Native Americans off their land, leading many to their death. We imprison Japanese Americans throughout WWII despite their being American citizens. The list goes on. It seems, that at every point in our history, we have found someone "different" and made them less because of it.

Today, we outlaw same-sex marriage because, for whatever reason, the love a same-sex couple is wrong. It has been decided that marriage is, by definition, between a man and a woman and that a child cannot be brought up well if it were to be defined differently. It's irrelevant that 50% of marriages end in divorce and that children are abused by their parents. All that America stands for seems to be at peril if same-sex marriage were to be made legal.

We are only as strong as our weakest member. We are only as true as the words we make real.

When will we learn from our past? When will we learn that we can't weaken the humanity of those who are different simply because we choose to not understand? They are not less human simply because we diminish them. In order to grow as a Nation and as a People, we have to create equal ground for everyone. Always.

We must breathe Life into our Words. We say that "we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal", and yet, we continuously act to the contrary. Our words mean nothing when we limit their reach.

We have been witnesses to the destruction that fear and prejudice create. Let us learn from our past so that we can create a new future free of those mistakes. To do otherwise, is to diminish our better selves.

To do otherwise is to diminish Love.

Love deserves more. Much more.

Living joyfully

Today, as I was going through some drawers in my room, I came across my "warm & fuzzies" drawer. It's a drawer that I have filled with letters, notes and other sweetnesses from friends and family. If you know me, you know I  love warm & fuzzies. I think they are essential to life. People should always have the opportunity to know how you feel about them, how much they mean to you, their impact on you life. And, you should be able to share this with them whenever possible. Life is too short to put love on hold. Everyone needs warm & fuzzies from time to time. 

When I was at Dartmouth College, I participated every year in a retreat called Vox Christi. I loved it. It was a weekend of reflection, renewal, friendship, faith, and love. At the start of the retreat, we selected "Prayer Partners" out of a hat. You would get the name of someone else on the retreat and send them messages in these little "mailboxes" we made for everyone and you would pray specifically for this person throughout the weekend. Your Prayer Partner identities were kept secret until you revealed yourself to your Prayer Partner in your last letter. I found my Prayer Partner's letter from my Junior year Vox Christi retreat and I  simply have to share it here because of the joy it brought me. I want to share that joy with you now.

I have spent the last year or so, in a bit of a rut, wondering what my purpose is or if I even have one and worrying that I'm missing the point to my life. Whatever that point is. I've been feeling a little lost, to be honest. It's not all of the time and I am working on it, seeing a therapist, talking it out, but it hasn't been easy. It's not easy feeling lost. And, today, out of nowhere, I found a little light and it made me smile. Here's my sunshine for this late hour:

Dear Olivia,

I kind of cheated when we had to pick prayer buddies. I accidentally saw your name face up and I took it because I thought to myself "That's someone I'd really like to get to know better. " I've seen you around AQ [The Catholic Student Center at Dartmouth] and you happy, I mean your  genuinely happy nature intrigued me. I am not myself a very happy person, especially outwardly. But I am not depressed, I just don't feel joyful very easily or often. I truly admire that quality in you and I envy the ease with which you can bring joy to others. Though I hardly know you, I can honestly say that being in a room with you makes me happier than I  was before. I've been extraordinarily fortunate in life, but I don't feel the same joy you exude and I hope you can only teach me your secret. 

I've prayed for you these last two days, that you are successful in all your endeavors, that you and your loved ones are and remain healthy. But most of all, I've prayed that you never stop living life the way that you do now because of the effect it has on others and the effect it has had on me. 

~~~~~

I am  extremely humbled by these words. And I feel so incredibly undeserving of them. I thank the writer for them now because they have brought so much joy to me today. And, I make a promise to live my life joyfully every day. I think that may be just what I have been searching for these last months: pure Joy. Thank you so much for reminding me. Thank you for sending me so much sunshine. Without knowing it, you've done so much. 

This is what I mean about the importance of warm & fuzzies; what you think may be nothing at all, may be everything to someone else. Don't ever stop spreading the Love. And the Joy.

When I was 11, I had a diary.

So, I am copying Kristen here. I found my first diary tonight and read through it. I started this diary in January of 1995, two months before Manny passed away.

 It struck me just how much his illness affected me then. I never really realized just how much it consumed me, worried me, impacted me. For some reason, I don't remember those feelings or those moments, not really.  

1/15/95

Today I can't help worrying because he (my brother) has leukemia and he is going in for a transplant. I don't want him to die, he is still young. He is 14. I pray every night for him but I just don't know anymore. But I still have faith that he will not die. I just know he will not let himself die. Never ever will he give up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, as I re-read what I wrote 14 years ago, I just don't know what to think. I want to find the 11 year-old me and give her a big hug. And I want to tell her, that if it had been up to Manny, he never would have left. And he never, ever gave up. 

Southern Gothic Productions

So, today, I need to share a blog with you. Southern Gothic Productions. For those of you who don't know SoGoPro, it's Hilarie Burton's production company. And for those of you who don't know who Hilarie Burton is, she's Peyton Sawyer on One Tree Hill. For those of you who don't know One Tree Hill, I really can't help you, but I can tell you that you should watch the show. It's addictive and Peyton's my favorite character. Hands down. Jennifer knows this. Sara does too. (We can discuss at some other point my views on a Season 7 with no Peyton. ) Austin Nichols AKA Julian and Kelly Tenney AKA OTH Producer are also part of the SoGoPro Team.

Anyway, back to the point of the post. SoGoPro. I started following the blog back in February-ish. I'm not going to lie-- because of the OTH connection. I'm in love with it. Why, you ask? Because through the blog, you get an insider's look into the movie making process & so much more! Hilarie, Nick and crew share everything and are constantly looking for advice, opinions, and your favorite consumer products. It's fascinating and fun and so incredibly funny. When I ever need a laugh or to just brighten my day, I go here and I know I'm guaranteed to feel better. It's a feel-good blog. You should pay your own visit. I promise, you'll love it.

Here's my favorite vlog to date. (I tried uploading the video, but blogger is being dumb, so you'll have to click the link. Sorry. :p) I laugh every time & now I'm spreading the joy.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Just a few things.

I don't have a lot of time today, but a few things have been on my mind lately and I wanted to share them here. 

1. I CAN'T believe it's nearly June. JUNE. 2009 is nearly half-way done and I still have trouble believing it started. Where in the world does the time go??

2. I'm in the middle of 3 books at the  moment: Quite a Year For Plums, This Republic of Sorrows, and Island of the Blue Dolphins. Anyone reading this reading anything interesting these days? I'm hoping to get to the library again soon. 

3. The OTH season finale was Monday. I loved it. Jennifer, it was so much more fun "chatting" about it with you. Though, the fact that Peyton and Lucas are not coming back next season still has me wondering if I'll watch it again in the fall. The music in the episode was awesome, though. "Come Around by Rosi Golan and "Murderous Air" by Tim Williams were some favorites.

Gotta go. HAPPY THURSDAY!

Christmas in May?

So, after this week's Grey's, I came home today and decided to re-watch some old episodes. And, then, I remembered my favorite scene ever from the show. (It starts in the video at 3:05). 

I love it. I can't explain why but every time I  hear that song (It Came Upon a Midnight Clear by Sixpence None the Richer) and see those Christmas lights, my heart feels something that I simply can't put into words. It, literally, brings tears to my eyes. The first, and second, and thirtieth time I saw this scene, I found myself crying. Happy and sad all at the same time. Christmas lights have always reminded me of Manny. And, tonight, as I was lounging about, being lazy, youtube-ing old Grey's Anatomy scenes, I came across this one, and I remembered just how much I miss him.

Did you say it?

If you watched Grey's last night, you've heard this. But, just in case, I wanted to share it here. Because it's so important, so true, and so often overlooked.

So, today, I am asking you:

Did you say it?

"I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life."

Did you say it?

Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it.
But, every now and then, look around. Drink it in.

'Cause, this is it.

It might all be gone tomorrow.

Don't forget to say it. To live it. To be it. Every. Single. Day.

Happy Birthday, Ylaria!!

So, just in case you haven't had enough birthdays for one week, today is Ylaria's birthday. She's 4. Ylaria is one of my favorite people. I'm wishing her the very best day and year. EVER.


Thank you so much for letting me be your friend, Ylaria. You've taught me so much in the year and a half that I've known you. I love it that our birthdays are so close together! We're practically twins....well, minus the 22 year age difference...and that fact that you're definitely more mature than I am. :p

I love you and I can't wait to see you next week! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Beautiful!!

Love & hugs,
Olivia

My five things for today!

So I have to keep this short tonight because, despite my best intentions, I have not gotten nearly as much (or anything, cough, cough) done as I would have liked. Today I needed to share my five things, though, so here they are!

1. It's my birthday!! (I love birthdays!)

2. I took an "Erin" walk today. I swung on the swings and looked at the sky and appreciated the trees. It was beautiful.

3. My coworkers, friends and family are awesome. They always make me feel loved. THANK YOU for making my day so amazing!

4. This happened yesterday, BUT I got the most amazing gift ever from Ylaria and her family. It brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. I promise to share it soon!

5. I woke up! I woke up to another year, another day, another moment. Today was a good reminder that I still have time to do all of those things I want to do, to work on those New Years resolutions and other goals. I am very lucky for my 26th year. Not everyone gets here. I'll appreciate every minute of it.

Loads of love

Happy Birthday, Christi

Christi,

I've been thinking of you all day today. I hope you had a beautiful birthday up in Heaven. I know your family and friends would have much rather preferred to have you here, blowing out candles, celebrating with friends, making wishes for a new year. But, I also know that you have created your own magic today. You are everywhere. In the sunshine and the fluffy clouds. In the laughter and the happiness. In the love we feel for you and because of you. You're everywhere. Always.

In 9 short years, you changed so many lives. And in changing lives, you changed the world. The whole world was impacted by your spirit and your beauty and your love. My life was changed so very much. I strive to be like you. To live like you lived and love like you loved. It's not always easy-- you're in a league all your own-- but I try.

And tomorrow, when I blow out my own candles, I'll send a special wish your way. And a big thank you hug. You mean more than you'll ever know. I'll remember you forever. Always.

Real News

One morning she decided to throw away the paper & listen to the real news & by the end of the day, she knew that while people were sometimes confused, the rest of the world was not & she slept that night for the first time since she was a young girl.

I got this "story" from Storypeople today. Which got me to thinking. What is real news? 

What is my real news? 

Right now, I'd have to say it's that I've had an amazing weekend. I've spent my time with friends & family. Eating, drinking, laughing and celebrating. Friday, I met up with Dartmouth friends for dinner and drinks. We hadn't been able to get together in nearly a year; it was nice to see everyone again. Yesterday, my friend, Lisa, got married. It was a beautiful celebration and I am so glad that I was able to be a part of it. I've known Lisa since kindergarten and she's always been an amazing friend to me. Growing up with a disability can be hard. And kids are not always nice about "different" people, but Lisa always made sure I was included. She was always there to make me feel welcome and loved. When my brother died, she was the first person I called. It's the truest test of a friend. When you're in your darkest places, you search for light. Lisa has always helped me find mine.

I loved seeing my friends Jennifer and Andy at the wedding too. Jen, Andy and I have been friends since middle school and we've always had great fun together. From volunteer events, to movie outings, to malls, museums, libraries and cooking together, we've managed to make many memories. I am blessed to have them in my life. 

Today, I am doing more of the same with my family. It's Mother's Day and I'm spending the day with my sisters and mom. 

Three days of friendship, laughs and love. That's all the news I need. What's your?

And, as I enjoy this light, I am sending some love, light and comfort to Angela, Vickie and all of the other moms who have angels in Heaven today. I love you & I'm sending many hugs your way.

My Top Ten

So I've been spending a lot of time in the office these days. A. Lot.

Music has been helping me get through it. I love music. So, today, I decided that I would share my Top 10 favorite songs here with you (in order).

1. Bloody Nose- Earlimart
2. Where I Stood- Missy Higgins
3. You Found Me- The Fray
4. Let You Down- Tin Star Orphans
5. From Where You Are- Lifehouse
6. Si Tu No Vuelves- Miguel Bose
8. Run- Snow Patrol
7. About Today- The National
9. Since You've Been Around- Rosie Thomas
10. Thank You- The Little Heroes

What does this say about me? I am not entirely sure, but since 8 of the 10 were on OTH, it's safe to say that the show has an amazing soundtrack. Amazing. Oh, and I'm addicted to it. Severely.

What are your favorites? I'd love to know! Music and books are so fun to share.

And now, I have to get back to work. There's loads of it, after all. :o)

Hitting the ground running.

I ran this morning!! On the treadmill but it was a great run, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I'm nearly all healed. yay! A great run always makes waking up at 4:30am awesome. Really. I can't wait to try again tomorrow.

It's going to be another crazy week. Today, I am hoping to get out of work on time and head over to the Ronald McDonald House for a little bit before going home. I have a Masters program reunion on Wednesday night(tomorrow) and Thursday I am going to a Mets game for the bachlorette party. I've never been to a Mets game since my sister, Ana, is a huge Yankees fan, but I hear the new Mets stadium is uber-nice. AND, a girls night out is always fun. My kindergarten friend is getting married Saturday (so exciting!). And, Sunday is Mother's Day so I think we'll be having some family over to celebrate (and I'll get an early birthday cake. I've requested peanut butter and chocolate. Yum!) Which reminds me, I need to go shopping for my mom. :p

It's raining here. Loads. But, the rain always reminds me of Belfast. And, I love Belfast. Which is why I am planning (fingers crossed) another trip there sometime in early September. (I'll try to plan some details this week. I love planning trips!)

Yup, another crazy week full of fun things to do. But running always gives me energy and if all else fails, there's always coffee.

Here's wishing you a great week.

PS- Jennifer, I loved last night's OTH. Loved.

May

Here's wishing you all a very happy May. May is one of my very favorite months. Why, you ask?

1. It's my birthday month. I love birthdays!
2. SPRING!
3. I have A LOT of fun things planned for this month. Lots.
4. May is the 5th month of 12. Still loads of time to work on those New Years resolutions.
5. New OTH episodes. I don't care if this is lame. I am addicted to that show.
6. 90% of everything is attitude. I have decided to love my days. They are all we have, after all.