On Hope.

It's been a difficult few weeks for me. To be honest, it's been a difficult month. March is never without its emotional moments and Ylaria and Kayla's recent news has really hit me hard. Kids Cancer Crusade has gained one too many angels as well. It's been hard.

I am not without hope. I believe in miracles. But my hope has been harder to find these days. And today, as I was sitting here trying to summon up my hope and stop the sadness, I remembered sweet Shayla's words. "Easter is about HOPE and Easter is coming." Such wise words. So very true. And, so very comforting.

Deep breath. Easter is almost here.

[insert clever title here]

So, I was supposed to be updating more regularly, but clearly, that has not been the case.

For those of you wondering, my sugar-free test was an EPIC FAIL. *Sigh*. What have I learned? It's a lot easier to give up sugar in theory. (If you've tried it and been successful please let me know!) I'll keep trying, though. And I'll keep you posted.

This last week has been an up and down one for me. I've had some good days and some great moments but I've also had my share of downers. I'll be ok. I keep reminding myself that I just need to breathe. To breathe and let go and breathe again and I'll be ok. It will all be ok.

I took this week off from work so I'll be at home, puttering around because the weather is miserable and it's not conducive for anything really.

I'm waiting for March to end. April will be better, right?

C, we need to talk soon. I miss our chats.

Where in the World

My friend, C., posted this question on her blog and I love it so I thought I would post it here too. I would love to hear your answers!

If you could choose to be born again as a citizen of any country in the world, which country would you choose, and why?

My answer should be obvious. I would want to have been born in Northern Ireland. I think it would have been fascinating to have lived in Northern Ireland during that time. Belfast, obviously. And then I would also have the benefit of EU citizenship (well, I technically have that already with my Spanish passport). And to boot, I would also have an amaaaaaaaazing accent.

I'd still want my parents to be where they are from (Spain and Cuba) but I would have loved to have been born in Belfast. And yes, I've actually thought this out before.

Your turn!

Food Matters

I've been doing a lot of healthy-eating reading lately. What have I read? Well, it started with Skinny Bitch, then I progressed onto Food Matters and now I am in the middle of the Omnivore's Dilemma.

This reading has really made me think about what I eat, where my food comes from, what I can do to be better to my body and the environment.

I also realized just how addicted I am to sugar. I eat it. A. lot.

So, I'm giving it up for a bit. I'm on a challenge to eat as naturally as possible. (Which, I am beginning to realize is much more difficult than one would think!)

Posting it here, will mean: 1. I am accountable to you on this new "endeavor" and 2. I'll be writing on a more regular basis! :p

But, in all seriousness. I would highly recommend these books. It's important to know what we're eating. (And what the government agencies aren't telling us.) And if you only have time for one of these books, I'd nominate Food Matters. It's shorter than Omnivore's Dilemma but gives the same information.

It'll be a challenge, I'm sure but I'm up for it. :o)

Kayla

My sister asked me last night to update my blog. She claims people actually want to read about me and my happenings on a more regular basis. I am not entirely sure that I believe her, but her request did make me think about what I would choose to write about when I posted my next entry. And, I decided that I could really only write about one thing. Kayla.

I was first introduced to Kayla through Christi and Kids Cancer Crusade. Kayla is an amazing young girl from Tiffin, OH. She was diagnosed with a DIPG brain tumor in the summer of 2005 when she was only 5 years old. At the time, doctors gave her a 10% chance of surviving 9 months. Through faith and grace, Kayla thrived for 4 1/2 years, largely symptom free. In January, Kayla's condition worsened and it was discovered that another tumor is growing. She is once again in the fight for her life.

I was fortunate enough to meet Kayla and her family when I was in Ohio for a friend's wedding in July 2007. They are truly inspirational and their friendship has meant so much to me through the years. If you have a moment today, please visit Kayla's site and let her family know they are not alone.

Kayla, I am thinking of and praying for you. You are a light for so many. May you feel the warmth of our love for you now.

North Carolina Love

I was in North Carolina this weekend. I love North Carolina. Love. And you should too. Here are my top 5 reasons why North Carolina is amazing.

1. My friends. I have amazing friends. While in Durham, I got the chance to catch up with some good friends from Dartmouth (Thanks, Kim, Katie, Krystal and Carolina!) It was so nice to be able to spend so much time with such special people who know how to make me laugh and who make everything from car rides to science museums more fun simply by being there to share them. I also got to spend time with some new friends as well. I "met" Kristen, over at One Safe Place for the first time in person last Friday. I started following her blog when I saw it on Jennifer's blog list and I was hooked. Kristen is one of those people that actually lives the words "be the change you want to see in the world". She introduced me to Learning to Love You More, a website with fun, interesting and, at times, deeply personal projects that help you to discover more about your Self. So, here's my first gift to you from North Carolina: One Safe Place. Visit, if you can, I promise you'll be inspired. (OSP counts because Kristen is currently residing in NC).

2. Southern Gothic Productions (aka SoGoPro). For those of you who don't know, SoGoPro is Hilarie Burton's production company that is "devoted to the mastery of storytelling" (particularly promoting the arts in North Carolina). I love SoGoPro because it is a company so dedicated to its audience. It's new and fun and full of life. And the blogs (and vlogs) always make me laugh. And I love to laugh. I've gone into more depth on SoGoPro in a previous post, so I don't want to repeat too much here. Follow SoGoPro's journey. I promise it's worth it.

3. Celia Rivenbark. Celia Rivenbark is a writer and columnist who lives in Wilmington. I was first introduced to her through SoGoPro's book club (yet, another reason to heed my advice in point 2). In one vlog, Hilarie read an excerpt from her newest book You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning and from the moment I heard it, I knew I had to have this book. I promise you that it's as funny as the vlog promises. As you may know, I love reading on my commute to work (all lovely 1.5 hours) but I had to stop reading this one because the first time I tried, I was laughing so hard that I was shaking. And in NYC, this is generally considered a sign of mental instability. The day I sprained my back and was in so much pain I could not sit up on my own, let alone stand or walk, I read this book in the ER and was still laughing out loud. (To the point where my mom suggested I stop lest the doctors think I wasn't in need of attention and keep me waiting.) In the airport, I stopped into one of the bookstores (surprise, surprise) and purchased another one of her books because I wanted a good laugh and because I felt that it was the most appropriate NC souvenir for me to take home. Bless Your Heart, Tramp is another favorite. I am now also following her weekly column (conveniently posted on her website). You must, must, must read some of her work. I promise, you'll love it and laugh a whole lot too.

4. Foster's. For my first meal in Durham, my friend Kim took me to Foster's Market for lunch. If you are ever in the area, you must go. Foster's has great food and the people are super friendly. They have tons of outdoor seating which my friend and I enjoyed immensely.

5. One Tree Hill. (Yes, Jennifer, I had to add it to my list.) The last reason I will share for loving North Carolina is because I am addicted to OTH. (Though, in my defense, my addiction has improved dramatically since last season.) OTH is filmed in Wilmington. And while I didn't actually get to visit the town or see any of the show's actors (though I really did look!), watching OTH makes me remember how beautiful North Carolina is. So, here's my last tip for today: watch One Tree Hill. As Jennifer and I can attest, it makes Mondays better. And the music is awesome.

So, there we have it. Loads of reasons to love North Carolina. Now you know to not be surprised if I ever tell you I'm moving there.

Gratefulness

So, as many of you know, I have been working on making this year a powerful one for myself. I didn't expect to wake up on January 1st to the sounds of trumpets and butterflies. I didn't expect to wake up every morning ready to conquer the world. If it were that easy, it wouldn't be such a struggle. It's a work in progress. And, I'm making progress.

I have come to realize, rather recently, that the power I want is the power to be happy. And, even more recently, I realized that happiness is really just about being grateful. It's about being grateful for waking up, and beautiful skies and nerdy books and amazing family and wonderful friends. I am rarely conscious of how grateful I am. As a friend shared, "If your just replace the word "happy" with "grateful"..., it can really make a difference. 'I'm grateful to see you!','I'm grateful to be here!', Or how about simply 'I'm grateful.'" Words of wisdom. Gratefulness. It brings everything into perspective. Another friend of mine and I have begun a mini gratefulness project. We text each other daily and share three things for which we are grateful. I have been grateful to everything from my mom, to my sisters, to my friends, to my books to my warm bed to my plans to my healing.

The other day, a friend of mine shared this link with me: and I fell in love with gratefulness. Head over heels. Please take a moment to listen to it. I try to listen to this in the morning. It's a reminder of how I need to be grateful for waking up. For the sky. For the moment.

So, today, I want you to know that I am grateful for you. So very grateful.