Tuesday, March 27, 2012

An Ylaria Letter

Dear Ylaria,

I am going to Bakersfield soon. I am so excited for the visit that I have already packed my suitcase. I can't wait to see your mom and give her a big hug, and to laugh at how silly your dad can be, and to go to a bookstore and read with Belen, and to play with Yoly. I know you'll be with me throughout this trip too. When I was writing these vacation dates in my calendar, I wrote "YLARIA TRIP". Because that's how I still think of it.

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I was feeling sorry for myself earlier because I hurt my foot and I haven't been able to run in months. And then I saw this picture your mom had of you running for the last time and I knew it was your way of telling me to stop being such a baby. If you could fight like you did, I can get through a few months with a fractured foot. You still inspire me. Every day. (And, you still put me in my place when I need it!)

Tonight, I found myself remembering my last trip to Vermont to see you. I am not sure what exactly sparked the memory, really, but all of a sudden, I remembered making gingerbread houses together. I miss making gingerbread houses. I was in CVS the other day and I saw all of this Easter stuff. It reminded me of the last time I was in CVS getting things for your Easter basket. I miss that too. I just miss you. I am ok with admitting that. I can miss you and still be happy. I can miss you and still laugh at how ridiculous things are or how silly I am. I carry you with me in everything I do and most of the time, I am happy, and I laugh, and I work, and I have fun. But sometimes, like tonight, I sit in bed and my heart hurts from missing you, and the selfish parts of me see only the empty spaces that I long for you to fill again. And, I am ok with acknowledging that too.

I am going to get some sleep now. Thanks for listening and for being my friend. Thank you for sharing your family with me. You gave me more than you'll ever know.

Love & hugs,


Thursday, March 22, 2012

It's been a long time...

I have not written in a very, very, very long time (or so it feels). The lapse was not intentional. To be honest, work has been increasingly busy and I haven't really found many things to write about.

I can't believe it's March already. That said, I realized that this has been the first March I really didn't struggle with at all. March 1st came and I found ways to honor Manny. I miss him. I always miss him. But, for this year at least, I did not wake up hating the month. It's progress. Manny would be proud,

I have not run in months, sadly. I injured my left ankle pretty seriously a few months ago and the doctors think it will take another 6 weeks for it to heal. Not running has not been easy. At. All. I love running. I miss my morning "Christi runs" and feeling my feet pound the pavement. I miss walking without pain. I really can't walk these days either. It's a test in patience. I am slowly learning.

I have been reading some great books lately. I read all of the Hunger Games books, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, and the White Racial Frame. I would recommend all of them. Have you read any good books lately?

I'll do my best to update more regularly.