Remembering Christi

Today marks three years since Christi earned her angel wings.

If you've come across my blog today and need some comfort, I am including one of my favorite poems. It's a gentle reminder that Christi is everywhere. Her artwork can still be seen in the stunning sunsets and beautiful snowfalls. She paints the rainbows after storms and crafts the clouds that float above. Her spirit is everywhere.

When I'm Gone

When I'm gone from your side,

And all your tears have dried,

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow;

I am the diamond glints on snow;

I am the sunlight on ripened grain;

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds circled in flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

And when you stroll in the evening hours,

And smell the aroma of beautiful flowers;

There'll be no need to sob and cry...

I am not there, I did not die!

~ Unknown

I like to think that in joining the "Christi Crew", we all took a piece of her with us. And she of us. Love does that. It's how Love wins over death and distance and time. Christi lives on in the love, action and courage she has inspired in so many. In the words of Storypeople, Christi, "I carry you with me into the world, into the smell of rain & the words that dance between people & for me, it will always be this way, walking in the light, remembering being alive together". We will never forget you, most brilliant Christi Thomas. We'll continue to carry you in our hearts forever.

For Christi

Dear Friends,

I am writing today, not because I have anything particularly exciting to share; let's be honest, that's a rarity in my case. I have been doing well lately, keeping busy, trying to balance work and fun. And, of course, running. I've been doing a lot of running lately. It helps keep me energized, focused, sane (or as sane as I'll most likely ever get, but some insanity is always necessary, no?) And now that it's September, my runs have taken on a more special purpose. With only 3.5 weeks until what I have officially titled, the 3rd Annual Christi Thomas Run, Christi has been on my mind more than ever. I actually have a picture of her at work because looking a it makes me happy, and I like being happy. I've included it here for you because I believe in sharing Happy. It's one of my very favorite Christi pictures, though as Jennifer can attest, the "Favorite Christi Picture" category is extensive. I love this picture for three main reasons. One-- Christi looks so very happy. And, seeing her happy and feeling how happy she must have felt when that picture was snapped gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling. It makes me heart feel her joy. And her spirit. Two-- I love the fall and this is a fall-looking picture. Three-- The ponies. I mean, seriously, who doesn't love ponies?!? And look at how many there are. So, my first challenge in this email, is to look at the picture, sense Christi's joy, feel the autumn, see the ponies and I guarantee that however your day was up until this point, it's a million times better now. Christi had a way of bringing sunshine into everything-- from lemonade stands, to schoolwork, to chemo. Life gave her some pretty rotten lemons and she made the sweetest lemonade.

Christi is especially on my mind when I run. When the alarm goes off at 4:40am, I think of her and I remember her words (""Determination is what keeps you going. It's like a best friend." Said by Christi, age 7). And I find whatever determination I can muster at 4:40am and get my morning run going. She's the best friend running beside me when I want to stop and the one helping me up when I trip over myself and fall. I'm in good company at 4:40am. So my second challenge in this email, if you can, is to ask you for a donation (of any amount) to my cause (http://active.com/donate/christirun2009). And whatever amount that you give, if anything at all, just know that in giving you are sharing Christi's spirit with others. The funds go to dance scholarships and academic scholarships and care packages for other children struggling with cancer. The arts, academics, helping those in need-- even though she was only 9, I can say without hesitation that these were Christi's passions. Her passion deserves to live on, even if her body could not. Know that in contributing to these causes, you're giving a piece of Christi to someone else. Someone who may never have even known her. And in sharing her spirit in this way, she lives on. We still miss her, but this is a comfort, a vital comfort.

And my third (and last) challenge, as I sign off tonight, is to remember to tell those you care about that you love them. It may be hard, but from experience, it's harder living wishing you could have told them just once or even just once more. Christi loved with her whole heart. She lived with her whole soul. And because of that, she changed a part of the world. I'm convinced that if we all learned from her love and her living, this world would be a much better place.

I know this post may be a bit too personal for some (and some of you may be thinking that all I ever do is make you cry), but know that I am this honest because I honestly believe in what I write. And because I love Christi. And you.

Olivia

Toast

I was walking home from the bus stop a few nights ago. It was late and rainy and I was coming home from a long day at work tired. I was walking in the drizzle, enjoying the quiet night and noticing how dark the evening was-- a sign that fall is on it's way. My mind was calm and I was appreciating the moment when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I smelled toast. Really. The smell was with me outside in the rain and it remained with me for about a block. And out there in the rain, with the smell of toast in the air, I remembered my grandfather. My Abuelo.

Toast always reminds me of Abuelo. He would toast his ham sandwiches in the toaster oven and the smell would permeate the entire house. It's so interesting the things, memories, and spaces people leave behind when they fly away. The pieces of themselves that remain with the living. I am sure that for Abuelo, the toast was just something he loved to eat. It was something he did so regularly that I doubt he ever put much thought into it. And yet, for me, it's so much more. I smell toast and I think of him; I see him in my mind for a moment and I remember how I loved him.

On that night, I remembered how I loved to hold his hand. When we were sitting together watching TV or driving home after a family meal, I would often take his hand in mine and hold it. We wouldn't say very much at all. It's not the words that I recall. But I remember holding his hand. It's that memory that makes me both miss him and brings me comfort all at once. Abuelo had thin, bony hands. When you held them, you could tell that they had known hard work and sacrifice, and strength and love. I always felt safe when I held his hand. And so very, very loved. I miss holding his hand. And when I smelled the toast that evening, I felt...I knew...that Abuelo was there with me. Walking me home in the rain and the wind and the night. And I was comforted.

Manny's smile

Ok, I am NOT being sad here. I just have to share this picture of my brother because this is exactly how I remember his spirit and his smile. The picture was taken on his last birthday. We had to celebrate it in the hospital, but we still had an awesome time. And, of course, his favorite cake was there.

Have you ever seen a bigger smile?

Thanks, Jennifer, for adding him to KCC. It means the world to me. And, your request for a photo of him had me looking through old albums and finding photos (and memories) I had forgotten. I promise to share more later.

Hugs,

Olivia

Hiking in Shenandoah

At the end of last week, I took a few days off from work so that I could go down to Virginia and go hiking with a good friend of mine. We went to Shenandoah National Park where we did a lot of hiking, relaxing and reading. It was a much needed unwind and I absolutely loved getting the chance to catch up with Christina-- we hadn't seen each other in 2 years!

We're hoping to get a chance to go back some time in November to do more hiking in cooler weather. (We're both more fans of the cold, really.)

Words to live by.

If you know me, you know I love quotes. I'll admit it. I'm a quotes girl. I love how words can work so beautiful together and inspire the mind to ponder and the heart to feel. I love quotes.

When I find a quote I really like. When I read words that touch my soul. I write them down because I want my mind to remember them and my heart to live them.

In early 2003, I met Christi. If I am the quote-collector, in life, Christi would be the quote-creator. Angela would share a "Christi quote" in journal entries and as I read them, I was humbled to learn such wisdom from someone so young, and I was inspired to live them out.

Tonight, I miss Christi and I wanted to take a moment to share some of her wisdom with you. I can't take any credit for the words listed below. I simply compiled them. Angela shared them. Christi spoke and lived them. And because she's no longer here to speak them herself, I wanted to share some of Christi's spirit with you. My hope is that in reading them, your mind will ponder and your heart will feel. And, in living them, you will take a piece of Christi with you into the world. I know I have. It has made all the difference.

1.31.03- "Enjoy what you've got while you've got it because you don't know how long it's going to last."

2.7.03- "It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. It's what's on the inside that matters."

2.14.03- "Everyday is a special day!"

2.22.03- "You don't know what's going to happen, so just make the best out of whatever happens." (Again, this quote isn't about her cancer, but about not being able to get back from a museum this week in time to watch her new favorite TV show - PBS's Cyberchase. It was rush hour and we couldn't get a taxi so we missed her 5:00 show. The next day she asked if we could take a fast subway train instead and we did.)

3.14.03- "Always do your best."

4.4.03- "Kindness gets kindness back."

4.25.03- "You can do anything if you put your heart into it."

4.30.03- "Something bad can turn into something good." (She made this comment after we got lost driving back from the science center. Christi was happy to learn about boroughs as we drove through Brooklyn and Queens trying to get back into Manhattan. The next day she asked if Tiffin was a political subdivision of Ohio and therefore a borough. We were floored with how well she was listening to Daddy explain it the day before. Amazing!)

5.3.03- "I want to do nice stuff like people do nice stuff for me." (This was her response to the boy in the other bed receiving his 3F8/beta glucan treatment whimpering in pain. She wanted to make him a card. Sadly, this four year old lost his father one year prior to his 6/02 diagnosis. Our hearts are heavy for him and his family. Also he, like Christi, still has some disease and therefore can't go to transplant yet either. We pray for a NED status for this precious child.)

5.11.03- "Sometimes bad things happen to good people." (Shayla was asking if she was going to get cancer if she ate too much candy and the above quote was part of Christi's lengthy explanation to Shayla.)

5.18.03- "No one's life is perfect." (Christi's explanation to Shayla when Shayla was upset that she couldn't do an art project quite right because her hands were too little.)

5.28.03- "Be happy with what God gave you." (This is what I looked down and heard my daughter tell me after she overheard me complaining to another Mom in the hospital's playroom about my curly hair being even curlier because of the day's rain. The fabulous volunteer Christi was playing with hugged her and told her that she likes how she thinks. I immediately quit complaining.)

10.8.03- "Sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them to."

1.31.04- "When I close my eyes and open my heart, I feel that God is near."

4.18.04- "Christi's Comment: After receiving the Body and Blood of Christ, Christi leaned over to me in the pew and whispered, 'That wine wasn't half bad.'"

4.18.04- "Late this afternoon Christi looked up and said, 'There's a cross in the sky.' When we all gathered to look she said, 'I think it's Grandpa Vince.'"

9.14.04- "People always tell me how brave I am, but I don’t have a choice. I have to get needles in my arm and take my chemo so that I can get better. I think the brave people are the people who don’t have to get pokes, but who do so other people can get blood transfusions and live. Thank you to the Red Cross who make blood transfusions possible for people like me."

10.2.04- "Determination is what keeps you going. It's like a best friend."

Running for Christi

It’s time for the 3rd Annual Christi Thomas run! This year, I will be running a 10K on Sunday, October 11th.

My very special friend, Christi, lost her battle to neuroblastoma, a very aggressive form of childhood cancer, on September 19, 2006. In an effort to honor Christi’s memory, and to share her spirit with others, I am running to raise money for the Christi Thomas Memorial Fund and Kids Cancer Crusade, two organizations that were established in Christi's honor.

Running is a small way in which I can keep Christi's spirit alive. I want to help, I need to help, in any way I can to keep Christi's name resounding in the universe.

When someone you care about passes away, their name, their spirit, their gifts become so very fragile, and it becomes so very essential to keep these pieces of them alive and to share with others—because they themselves no longer can. Simply because Christi is no longer here does not mean that her legacy should not continue to inspire others. Contributing to these organizations is one way in which I can achieve this. Christi deserves to be remembered. And the world deserves to know Christi.

The Christi Thomas Memorial Fund provides scholarships for children in the area to go to college. It also donates books to the local library, provides scholarships to the local dance program and has a partnership with the UPenn Animal Shelter for their pet program with the Philly Ronald McDonald House.

Kids Cancer Crusade provides care packages, organized outings and emotional support for children with cancer and their families.

Please consider donating to these very worthy causes. Your support is appreciated. Thank you!

http://active.com/donate/christirun2009