Saturday, June 27, 2009

My Sister's Keeper

Every now and then I like to go to the movies on my own. It sounds strange to some, but I really enjoy my "Olivia time" every now and then. A friend once told me you have to learn to be your own best friend in life. It's true. Not easy (as you may have noticed from previous posts), but it's true. So, on occasion, I take time to do what I want, by myself, simply because I've learned that I can't wait for others to do what I want. And, some times, doing it alone feels just as good. And, it may even be just what's needed.

All of this is to say that on Friday, when I was able to leave the office at 1pm (yay half days!), I decided that I wanted to go to the movies and see "My Sister's Keeper". It was a movie that hit close to home, very, very close, but I loved it all the same. And, in watching the movie, I felt that I could understand more of what my brother went through. His pain and fear and strength. My parents never talk about my brother anymore. Or that time in our lives. It's understandable. The pain is overwhelming, even so many years later. But, I have so many questions. So many things I want to know. Most, I have to deduce from my better understanding of AML now or simply imagine on my own. It's what I do to fill in the blanks. And to try to put together more pieces of my brother; so much of him seems to be slipping through my fingers as time passes.

I know there are many who wouldn't be able to see a movie like that. My mom is one of them. But, for some strange reason, I find comfort in the sadness. In feeling, despite the fact that I know it's fiction, that someone else has been in my place, felt my pain. It's comforting to know I am not alone.

I'm not really sure what this post is about today. I miss my brother. The changing seasons always make me miss him a little more. Seeing the movie brought so many emotions to the surface.

I have a brother. He was the most amazing, brave and inspiring person I know. I miss him. And, he's everywhere. Just like the sky. Just like love.


the Thomas team said...

YOu are brave, very, very brave! We saw the preview for that movie in May while waiting for another movie. We sat with tears streaming down our faces and wondering how anyone could go see that movie - that was our lives and we miss our daughter so much. You really are brave and amazing, Olivia!


Kristen said...

I just got a chance to catch up on my blogs and when I read this I couldn't help but shed a few tears. I haven't seen My Sister's Keeper yet, but I had to read the book for a class my freshman year of college. It was actually kind of horrible at the time- I was in the middle of the book when Liam passed away and had to come back after Thanksgiving break (and Liam's services) and finish reading it and write a paper on it. However, last month I re-read it and I think I'm prepared to see the movie... however, as Angela said, you are so very, very brave - especially for seeing it by yourself!

I cannot say that I know exactly how you feel... but just know that I'm sending you hugs and I hope you can feel them!

And yes. He is everywhere.