It struck me just how much his illness affected me then. I never really realized just how much it consumed me, worried me, impacted me. For some reason, I don't remember those feelings or those moments, not really.
Today I can't help worrying because he (my brother) has leukemia and he is going in for a transplant. I don't want him to die, he is still young. He is 14. I pray every night for him but I just don't know anymore. But I still have faith that he will not die. I just know he will not let himself die. Never ever will he give up.
And now, as I re-read what I wrote 14 years ago, I just don't know what to think. I want to find the 11 year-old me and give her a big hug. And I want to tell her, that if it had been up to Manny, he never would have left. And he never, ever gave up.