Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Missing Ylaria

Below is part of a note I wrote to Belen. I am posting it here for me. This blog is really a diary of sorts for me and in years to come, I want to remember these moments with Ylaria.


I miss Ylaria so much. I miss the way she would knock me over with hugs when she'd see me; she always made me feel so very loved. Ylaria was wonderful with everyone that way. She made you feel so special.

This is selfish, I know, but I miss seeing her in New York. You'd tell me the dates she was going to be coming for treatment or scans and I would take out my planner and write a huge "YLARIA" across those days. It's how I made sure I got in as much "Ylaria time" as possible. I would leave work and race over to the Ronald as quickly as I could. We would do arts and crafts (she loooooved decorating pages with stickers) or play in the pretend kitchen where she'd cook me all of these super tasty (plastic) foods. Later, we'd eat dinner in the dining room and then go up to the room for more fun watching TV, playing hide and seek or decorating my hands with Dora band aids. When she was younger, she would get upset when I had to leave and she would make sure I was coming back the next day. Gino would try to tell her that I couldn't come every day and I would always say something like, "Don't worry, I'll be here. And I'll bring more band aids!". I am pretty sure I was more excited about those visits than she was, to be honest. She was such a good friend to me.

I miss how Ylaria would cover my hands in band aids. She would adjust any band aid that wasn't just right and make sure they were placed *exactly* the way she wanted them. I would leave the RMH with my hands literally covered in Dora band aids and I would keep most of them on for the 1.5 hour commute home. I am pretty sure people who saw me thought I was ridiculous but I never cared. It was like having a bit of Ylaria with me. I'd come home and the band aids that I could save, I would place on objects throughout my room. There are still quite a few left now-- little reminders of Ylaria to keep me company while I sleep.

I miss the way she would read to me. She loved reading and sharing her little books with me. She'd point to the appropriate pictures and make sure I was paying attention. If I was ever laughing or talking to you, she'd stop and get that serious face on and only continue when I was fully paying attention. She was the best teacher.

I miss how Ylaria would make me feel. I can't explain this part or put it into words really but there's a way she would make me feel when I was with her. There was a way my heart would feel after spending time with her. I would always feel happier and the night would seem more magical and the world would always seem more beautiful. I miss feeling that. I miss Ylaria.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is super sweet...thanks for sharing! love ya:)