Monday, February 28, 2011

Photo Project Day #30

Day #30: A picture of someone you miss.

"It's hard when you miss people. But you know, if you miss them it means you're lucky. It means you had someone special in your life. Someone worth missing." ~OTH

Today's theme couldn't have come at a better time. I have been missing a lot of people lately. Some were away on vacation and are back now (or on their way back.) It's such a good feeling-- when you can miss someone but know that you'll meet again soon. It's a comfort that isn't always possible.

Sometimes you miss people and they don't come back. And your heart hurts from missing them so much for so long. The empty spaces these souls leave behind when they fly away will always be there-- reminders, both painful and gentle, of the love and the laughter and the moments shared together.

It's really impossible to list just one person I miss. With March 1st so very close, I miss Manny more than ever. I miss Dorita when I think of her laughter and the way she would scrunch up her nose. When I remember Sunday afternoon lunches from my childhood, I miss Titi and Duche. When I smell toast or think of how much I loved to hold his hand, I miss Abuelo. I miss Christi with every Christi run and trip to the bookstore. I miss Kayla when I remember the day we met and how her faith always inspired me. When I bead or choose a new verb, I miss Erin.
I miss so many people.

But today, I think most of all, I miss Ylaria. It started out small, this new wave of missing her. I injured my foot yesterday and needed band aids, so (of course) I put on some Dora band aids. Carefully and precisely, just like Ylaria would have. I thought of how these were different Dora band aid designs from the ones I had always bought for her and it bothered me. It's stupid, I know, but it made me sad to think that I couldn't bring her these new band aids and share them with her. Personally, I like the old ones better. I wonder what Ylaria would think.

Then, late last night, I couldn't sleep. It was 11pm and then 12:15am and then 2am. No sleep. And, for some reason, I thought of this picture of Ylaria and how much I love it. I thought of how I miss her. I miss her amazing wit and the way she would look at me when she thought I was being ridiculous. I miss the sound of her voice and her contagious laughter. I miss her strong hugs and the feeling of her hand in mine.

And then, I thought of all the things I did with her in mind-- walking to the Ronald McDonald House, going into CVS for band aids or pretzels or anything she might like, booking a flight to Vermont for the weekend, listening to songs on my ipod I had heard her sing along to, writing "YLARIA" in my planner when Belen would tell me the dates they would be in NYC. The list is endless. Ylaria became so much a part of my life in our short time together; there are so many empty spaces now that she is not here.

I know she is in a better place now with Manny and Christi and Kayla and Erin. But I am selfish. (Is it ok to admit that?) I wish she was still here. I miss having Ylaria with me in the world.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thanks for writing this. I have been missing manny too...and the other day when I made my sandwich for dinner, i toasted the bread because i was thinking of abuelo. last night when i couldn't sleep, i was actualy remembering being in titi and duche's house and listening to the musical thing and eating thier amazing hamburgers. i have been missing so many people lately and you write it all out soo nicely. thanks for sharing. always here for you and love you!